Friday, 6 November 2009

Twi-sted merges with Edbrella!


Mary and I are quite excited because we're having a change that we both think will be fab!

We're merging Twi-sted, the blog that we started together, with Edbrella, my original blog.  Our good friend TwiWeasel also blogs over at Edbrella, so we're getting together to bring you a group effort.  We thought about moving the posts from here over to there, but decided that we'd leave Twi-sted so far over here and just start anew over there.

So, thank you for following us here, we really hope that you'll join us on Edbrella, if you don't already follow it.  Go on, you know you want to ;o)

As a sign of our appreciation:

Stan & Mary x

Monday, 2 November 2009

I've been tagged!

So here's the deal: STY and I came up with a couple of questions for all you bloggers. If you're tagged, answer the questions and tag four other blogs. Don't forget to link back to the blog that tagged you! Let's see how many blogs we can get to participate and hopefully at the end of all this we'll know a lot more about each other. Believe it or not, we even made the questions 99% other-blog friendly! I don't think I said vagina or cock gobbling in a single question!

On your mark, get set, GO!!

1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?
Hmmm. Well I've been settled down with mr Mary for almost 20 years, so I've had to go waaaaay back in time to come up with something that just thinking about makes me criiiinge:

As a 15-16 year old I'd just started going clubbing with a bunch of friends. I'd occasionaly stay at a friends house because there was no way my parents knew I was out in the town! On one occasion though I was at home, in my bedroom when I heard a car full of mates outside. So I hung out of my bedroom window to see what they wanted. Well they wanted me, to go clubbing. never one to turn an opportunity for a good old session down I hatched a plan, and they waited around the corner for me.
I quickly bribed my younger brother into helping me escape. So, lycra dress on, nightdress over the top, shoes in hand, we went downstairs. As my bro opened the lounge door to tell our parents he was getting a drink, I opened the dining room door at the same time, sly eh ;) Nighdress planted under the table I snuck out of the window, ran across the garden and into the waiting car full of other teenage delinquants :) Done, I'd gotten away with it woooooooohooooooooooo
Getting back in at 3.00 am was the cringe -worthy part. The window was a lot higher than I'd remembered it to be on the way out, and dressed in a tiny, tight lycra dress and pissed to boot was making it hard going. So much so that I fell backwards and landed with a loud ooomph in the garden. I lay there and waited for the shit to hit the fan, but nothing. Phew. I eventually made it in, panting and covered in grass to retrieve my nightdress and sneak upstairs. Luckily I stopped for a glass of water on the way because just as I got to my bedroom door my mom came out of her room and thought I'd just been to fetch a drink!
Cue me falling into bed, swearing never to do it again. Which I never....until the next weekend :)

2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. I can't wait to read these! (Or "Eff, Marry, Kill" if you don't have my potty mouth.)**

I'd fuck Emmett, rude not to. Marry Edward, you could do what you wanted with him at any time (bliss) and Id kill Bella because the lip chewing really pisses me off!!

3) What is your favorite band/type of music?

Mostly R&B, some pop stuff. I have been known to sing along to girls aloud whilst cleaning :)

4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?

Blade, my first love. I love Lock Stock and Snatch (not seen this one, is it the porn version?-Stan), One flew over the cuckoos nest, Dirty dancing....loads, all quite random.

5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?

They know I'm a Twiwhore, who could hide that!! As for the blogging, a few friends know now lol

6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.
Every time I sign online! More if i'm on messenger with Stan or Twiweasel. I'm easily led astray.

7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

I once touched Bobby Brown....who I was going to someday marry FACT. I had to dive over barriers and past security to do it but I managed ;)

Sorry for the long answer to the first one. I tried to keep the others shorter

here endeth Mary's confession ;) xxx

Well, we really can't think of anyone else to tag - sorry to anyone with their hand up going "Me! Me!".  Feel free to let us know and we'll edit & add you ;o)

Added cos it would be rude not to when he's taken the time to post & everything..

Thursday, 29 October 2009 like that twat with the scruffy hair


I was innocently (muahhaaahhaaa) browsing some RPatz pics, as you do, and I sort of forgot my husband was at home.

I was saving a few, for research purposes ;) completely unaware that Mr Mary was spying on me. Sneaky shitbag! I very nearly shat myself when I realised he was there, watching me in full perve mode.
the following conversation ensued
him....."I've just watched you save all them photos"
me......"Yeah, so".......hmmm witty and grown up reply methinks
him...."All the ones you saved of the twat(!) is of him with his stupid scruffy hair"
me....."It's not scruffy actually, it's his sex hair"
him...."oh ffs, I give up you stupid old tart"

There may have been a few more derogatory comments from Mr Mary about RPatz's hair but It's upsetting me to think about them , so I won't force them on you.

He did have a point though. My fave pics are of him with his sex hair

What can I say, I can't help it. If there are pics of the sexy haired one out there, then I'm powerless to ignore them!

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Would you want Edward in real life???

This is the question I was asking myself last night whilst inserting a pessary!!
Fiery fadge, and not in a good way!

Yep, I know. What a time to be thinking of such things, but It happened. It was Mr Marys fault for coming into the bedroom at such a delicate time. Me propped up on my elbows, legs akimbo just about to perform the rather personal task of treating my lady bits. He just stood at the end of the bed and asked
"do you need any help there love?" Hmmm lemme think. NO!!
Followed by the caring statement
"Now go and wash your hands you dirty bitch"

Lovely. It made me think that at times like this I really wouldn't want Edward to be around.
Can you remember how you looked after giving birth for example? Exactly, you really wouldn't want him to see you looking like that.
Then there's the nights out with the girls, and you've drunk more than your own body weight in cheap Vodka, Gin, Cocktails etc.
You then wake up looking like this

Friday, 23 October 2009

The pitfalls of FanFic

Yes, I know It's bloody brilliant stuff, but It's soooooooo bloody addictive It's scary.

I don't know how much I've read over the last couple of weeks but my health and housework are both suffering!

It started innocently enough, eating cereal whilst reading fanFic in front of the laptop, easy enough you'd think, NO! It required far too much hand, to eye co-ordination to manouver the spoon to my already gaping gob and accidents happened. Rice crispies in your bra can be quite uncomfortable, especially when you fail to remove all of the little buggers properly and the odd one or two stay in there all day. I thought I had warts when I got undressed!!!

So the next day I grabbed whatever I could find in the fridge and ended up eating quiche and Twiglets together. Very nice combo btw but not really a balanced meal. I'm full of cold now, and I'm sure the unhealthy eating hasn't helped.

As for the housework. Pfft! I'm normally very houseproud.....I actually earned myself the nickname Monica a few years ago, from friends?!.... Well standards have definately been slipping on that front. I had to make myself move away from the laptop to do some jobs. All the time telling myself that as soon as I'd sorted the washing and cleaned the bathrooms I could read at least two more chapters :) I'm still not up to date on my ironing, and I've already started reading another story!! I'll never learn, I'm in too deep now.
I'll end up like her!!! I bet she's reading the Office, dirty biatch

Sunday, 18 October 2009

It's a lemony old world

Mr Stan came in from work on Wednesday as I was finishing getting dinner ready.  He sat down at the table and announced "Mary says you need more panty-ripping".  I spun round and eyed him quizzically. 
"She sent you a text saying you need more panty-ripping."  I'd forgotten he'd borrowed my phone for the day - and was frankly very surprised to get it back unscathed with it's Rob screen pic and Never Think ringtone.

I ran upstairs to find it.  Oh come on, you wouldn't walk after a message like that would you?  I looked in my inbox and of course he'd edited to suit himself, what she'd actually put was:

I started reading the office.  How about including some pantie ripping ;o)

Obviously the 'pantie ripping' referred to the FF I'm writing and I was quite relieved it wasn't relationship advice. Hmm, this was interesting though.  The Office had been on my To Do List for a good couple of months now but I didn't seem to have got round to reading it for some reason.  I'd finally got Mary to read 'Clipped Wings & Inked Armour' and now felt responsible for the state she found herself in (I KNEW she'd love Tattward muhahahaa!) so recommended The Office because I knew how everyone raves about the Beautiful Bastard.

Well it only took about one more text before I was convinced and sat down to read it. 

FUCK!  I cannot believe that I had been sitting messing around online for so many weeks with that sat in my faves list without reading it!  Well Mary and I very selflessly devoted yesterday to FanFic author support.  We opened Messenger, I opened The Office and Mary started on Wide Awake.  Every so often one of us would make a comment and the other would reply.  Usually with 'Sssh' it had to be said, but still. 

We did manage to have a conversation as well and that was mainly about the way that FanFic changed everyday life for us.  Let me illustrate my point, I think it should work quite well because I know most of you are also FF fans. 

Ok, completely innocent pic coming up...


So....have another look.  Now, what are you thinking?  'Mmmm delicious'?  or 'Mmmm, Tattward!'?

See?  I do try my hardest to live a relatively normal life and not be too Twitarded away from my computer but the mpre FanFic I read, the more associations there are.  The post came the other morning and there was a card for one of my sons from my Mum. 
"Awww, Ollie, there's something for you here today, looks like it's from Nannie, why don't you open it?"  So he does, and I'm confronted with this:


Now he may or may not have wondered why I was sniggering at his card, if he did he didn't ask me about it, which I guess is just as well.  I'm usually that short of a receptive audience for my Twi-ramblings that the chances are I may just have told him.

Mary and I had this discussion just before we settled down on our FF-fest and agreed that day to day life isn't like it used to be.  Things that didn't even register before now make you require a change of underwear.  So, here's a few more of those items:

Sadly no BB in this pic.  Who needs him though?  The windows and table push my buttons now!

An office stairwell *sigh*


Hello Kitty

Now that reminds me, last night I was watching Twilight and after Rosalie is out in the baseball game Carlisle says to her 'Nice kitty'.  EWWWWWW!  FFS, he's supposed to be her father!  Does he even know what he's saying?!  Oh, and I had to switch it off after that, it was the last straw after I spotted that Edward actually has sweatmarks under his arms in the cafeteria 'What if I'm the bad guy?' scene.  I'll go back to it when I'm in a more forgiving mood, it was obviously not a good time for me to watch it if my eyes managed to wander from his face.

Aww, kitty! ;o)

The double whammy from over at Twilighted - the cupcake tattoo

Piercing studio

Shirt buttons

Oh, and the shirt buttons was a good one, it seems Google images knows me only too well.  I search for images of 'shirt buttons' and it gifts me with this:


Now that's what I call a 'result' Google Images ;o)

The next picture caused great hilarity between Mary and myself when we happened across it so we decided to leave it in.  We were looking for something representative of the lift/elevator sex in The Office, and Mary came up with this gem:

"I've spent all day going up & down in this fucking elevator and the Beautiful Bastard still hasn't got in!"
It still makes me ROFL when I see it!

And apparently a Saturday night watching the X-Factor isn't even an escape anymore.  Guess what Mary and I both thought when we saw Olly Murs performing?  Well, here's a picture clue:


You got it yet?

How about now?
*sigh*  Life will never be the same, I'm sure....

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

When you find yourself thinking...Edward would never do that....

You know you're in trouble.

It can happen at anytime, just picking up the dirty, wet towels your other half has left on the bathroom floor and you find yourself thinking.....Edward would pick his up!

Then when It falls out of your gob you and you see the reaction on the other halfs face and he then says "who the fuck is Edward" and your natural reaction is not to worry that you said It out loud, but the fact that he's questioning who Edward is!! Some may think It's then a problem, not me of course, nooooooooooooooooooo. All perfectly normal here ;)
Earlier on Stan told me that she'd seen some Edward cake toppers on E bay. After I accidentaly logged onto Ebay, and typed Twilight into the search box (don't you hate it when that happens) I stumbled upon them. And rather splendid they are Any excuse to lick Edward.